Three Lessons From Tango For Our Future
An exploration of insights for life and leadership gained while dancing (and observing) tango
By Janet Akselrud & Shannon Mullen O’Keefe
Front step. Side step. Back step. Pivot. Cross.
And pause.
These are the basic movements of the Argentine tango. Combined together, through the shifting of weight from one foot to another, these steps become a sequence.
It’s the same fundamentals as walking.
But tango isn’t just about these movements.
It’s about communicating in the most intuitive way: without words, through an embrace.
Consider this description from a book called The Gods of Tango:
“It was still, at the root, the same dance: the same two bodies, connecting, gliding together, two aching souls reaching for each other and finding more than could be told. And then, in the fourth song, or maybe it was the fifth, they switched roles, without speaking, their bodies deciding, hands moving from waist to shoulder or shoulder to waist and pouring the dance in the opposite direction, which was, they discovered, not an opposite at all but a continuation of the very same dance, the same essential language of the body, of two bodies wishing to be one, forming a kinetic poem out of longing.”
The dance becomes — a *connect*ic poem of longing, “two aching souls reaching for each other and finding more than could be told.”
A wordless exchange.
In traditional milonguero style tango, the dance is always improvised. Neither partner knows what steps they will dance until they dance them. The music turns on, the leader feels moved in some direction, and the follower actively follows.
Both partners simply adhere to the rules of tango, which allows the leader’s invitation and guidance to determine the followers’ response.
If there were a secret recipe for beauty — this simple adherence to the intention of connection may have some of the ingredients.
In turn, we think it worthwhile to give our attention to the lessons and wisdom this dance can offer as we make our way towards the future.
Especially… from a “now” that doesn’t feel as connected as we hope it could be. From a “now” where partisan divides, social class divides, income inequality, and wars? Seriously — we’re still doing war? — make headlines.
From where we stand, we have the opportunity to create a future that is perhaps a little less grumpy and divided. One in which when we shift our body weight — it is more about an invitation to dance than anyone’s force of will.
One in which empty space between us becomes honored as the gift through which we can find our way to each other.
If there were a secret recipe for beauty — this simple adherence to the intention of connection may have some of the ingredients.
By the way, one of us is a tango dancer (Janet), and one of us spent a summer a long time ago in Buenos Aires (Shannon) — not dancing — but still appreciating tango. Both of us agree on the value of learning about the essence of life from tango.
So let’s dance.
Three lessons for our future from tango
1. Presence
You know when sometimes you step into the embrace — ready to dance — and you feel your partner is just there, with you —present, fully. Ready to go?
On the other hand, you know that feeling when they’re — — — — not?
Both can happen. But the dance only emerges when it’s grounded in presence.
Basically — — what happens when presence isn’t there — isn’t dance — it’s something else. Remember the body weight shifting? You can see how that would go if one person is checked out.
Flop.
So, let’s ask:
Where does presence come from? Is there a recipe for it?
Is it magic?
Or can either partner invite it to happen more?
Janet (co-author of this piece) asked these questions during one of her tango practicas. When she did a spontaneous poll of her tango classmates, at that session, there were a lot of guesses. Presence seemed to be an elusive mystery concept. The dancers thought, maybe it was just happenstance? A mysterious working of the universe? Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn’t, like a coincidence?
Or luck?
But when turning to her instructor, to answer the questions, what Janet learned was more interesting than that. The instructor had an answer (that wasn’t mysterious:)
“You build yourself from the ground up”, the instructor said.
The instructor demonstrated the classic tango embrace. It is a held embrace. It’s that certain stance, a degree of leaning forward, a gentle pressure in the palm, relaxed shoulders but engaged traps. Then, she leaned back.
When she did that — the lean back — Janet felt the difference.
A ha!
But the instructor didn’t stick with just tango. She said this presence goes beyond tango — it’s there in walking, in a handshake, or in a hug.
You can walk, or you can Walk. You can give someone a hug, or you can give someone a Hug.
In a Hug, presence is the feeling of sincerity. In Walking and in a Handshake, presence is the feeling of stability, self-confidence. But whatever the feeling, the big takeaway here is that this presence happens to be something you can physically practice.
2. Alignment
Often we think of alignment as something metaphorical, something that cannot physically be seen. Like our emotions and our logic being in alignment, or our actions and our values.
But it can refer to the physical practice as well. Of sitting or standing in a way where our head sits in line with our heart, with our spine.
This is how you can practice presence, and alignment, and it changes the energy with which you show up. Any yoga teacher can tell you that.
3. Humility
And there is another connection to “grounding” — the essence of presence — that we see here too.
We find it in humility.
Consider the word “humble.” The root of this word comes from the word “humus” its meaning derived from the Latin word for “earth” or “ground.” If you dig–pun intended — a little further, you’ll learn that in soil science –humus– also refers to the “organic matter in soil that is formed by the decomposition of plant and animal matter — a kind of organic matter.”
What is humility? Is it a way of showing up with the knowing that there are things you don’t know? That you have the ability to make mistakes?
Indeed.
It is the acknowledgment of being hum-an. Human — with a capital H.
See the h-u-m?
It is nice then, that the word humble stems from the word ground. Perhaps it is another way of saying that humans are part of nature.
The ground.
As the poet David Whyte has suggested, “stand still, the trees are not lost. The forest knows where you are and you must let it find you.”
So perhaps showing up with a humble approach means somehow showing up as a human rooted in the ground.
As the poet David Whyte has suggested, “stand still, the trees are not lost. The forest knows where you are and you must let it find you.”
Maybe this is a little how tango works too, when you stand still, grounded, humble before your partner, perhaps they are able to find you.
Maybe humility is another word for presence.
Maybe words matter less than presence, sometimes.
Conclusion: An Invitation
We think this links to a lesson in leadership too.
In tango, it is the leader’s responsibility to be present.
To extend an invitation.
To invite the follower to take steps, never with force. But with presence, humility and stability.
To move at a pace the follower — in other words — their partner — will understand.
They’re in it…T o g e t h e r.
The dance will only happen if the follower accepts the invitation.
The relationship is an embrace — an active and trusting embrace.
It is an unfolding conversation.
Regardless of whether you dance tango or not, regardless of whether you feel better in the role of the leader or the follower, we invite you to do both of the following in life (and for our future.)
Lead using an invitation rather than force.
Show up — speak with your presence.
Janet Akselrud loves playing with patterns, building stories, and designing on a blank page. She dances tango, hugs trees, and always drinks herbal tea. She is the author of The Spatial dynamics of Argentine Tango (an undergraduate math honors thesis connecting mathematics with Argentine tango), and Welcome, Curiosity (a book connecting physics with photography, published through her book publishing company: Dashing Arquitectures). She aspires to explore the intersections of different fields, and to become a Professor of Patterns. Connect with her on LinkedIn to share any surprises, delights, or curiosities!
Shannon Mullen O’Keefe is curator for The Museum of Ideas, an exhibit of the future through the lens of (human) imagination. The Museum invites leaders, thinkers and everyday experts to express the ideas that will shape our better future. She is also a thinker, strategist, and writer, dedicated to imagining what we can build and achieve together. She is a founding member of QCollective and co-author of a new book 10 Moral Questions: How to design tech and AI responsibly. She practiced the art of leadership for close to three decades, leading workplace engagement and culture change initiatives. She has served in leadership and executive roles in a global professional services firm and in a nature-based nonprofit organization. Find her leadership thinking on LinkedIn.
