What if We Invite the End in the Beginning?
An exploration of how to say goodbye, starting on the first day
By Esther Blázquez Blanco and Shannon Mullen O’Keefe
If a man loves life, and feels the sacredness and mystery of life, then he knows that life is full of strange and subtle and even conflicting imperatives. And a wise man learns to recognize the imperatives as they arise — or nearly so — and to obey. But most men bruise themselves to death trying to fight and overcome their own, new, life-born needs, life’s ever strange imperatives. The secret of all life is obedience: obedience to the urge that arises in the soul, the urge that is life itself, urging us to new gestures, new embraces, new emotions, new combinations, new creations. — D.H. Lawrence
“I’m starting a new job!” The LinkedIn post reads.
This prompts the confetti to drop. Everyone loves to chime in on a post like this. What’s not to be excited about?
It is a new beginning for someone.
The start of something new gets lots of ‘good vibes’ flowing.
While the celebrations happen on social media, behind the scenes there is lots of prep for starting a new job. Consider headlines like: 3 Ways to Grow Influence in Your New Job, and How to Succeed Quickly in a New Role, or even How to Set Healthy Boundaries When Starting a New Job.
It’s not just the person that is getting ready — the employer is too. These days leaders prepare carefully for a new hire’s arrival–before they even arrive!
They’re advised to create “a systematic approach to attracting and retaining employees,” including “discussing the rationale underlying your employee value proposition,” (something more compelling than your competitors) — and to enforce “how your culture supports individual development and the organizational mission.”
And when employers get it right, that first day is meant to be the perfect launching pad for the employment journey. That first day is orchestrated to perfection. The 10am start, the coffee, meeting someone from HR, “the buddy,” shaking hands with new colleagues…You get the picture (and you’ve probably been there.) (This first day ritual may have become slightly more tricky for remote hires (there is no fruit and avocado breakfast or hand-shaking with smiles, then, after all.)) But whether in-person or remote, — the first day, the beginning, is a big deal.
Adam Grant, organizational psychologist, author, and commentator on workplace culture, recently said this: “We should do entry interviews to find out why [someone] joined–and stay interviews to figure out how to keep them.” Further emphasizing an employer’s opportunity to cement the bond with someone starting on day one.
He also said in that same statement: “Exit interviews are too late to start the conversation about why people are leaving.”
This is true. He makes a great point. If the people you want to keep are leaving, you don’t want to learn about what it might have taken to keep them in an exit interview.
But, we’d like to put another spin on this. Add another layer of complexity. Something more to think about the workplace journey.
We think it might be wise to start the exit interview on that perfect first day.
We’d like to talk about the end (in the beginning.)
This is because there will always be an end.
Hello, goodbye?
Ok, thud. That’s not the confetti drop, fruit, and avocado breakfast everyone expects on the first day.
Imagine. “Welcome! Here is your key card, your laptop and your exit interview!”
Hang with us, ok?
There may be some real benefit to addressing the end, in the beginning.
We’d like to propose that there is not a small — but a significant– opportunity to invite the conversation about the end right away. This is not a matter of crushing dreams, or killing the romanticism associated with the experience of joining a new firm. It’s not about spoiling the excitement that comes with starting something new.
This is more about the opportunity to invite an honest conversation about both organizational needs and personal development, right up front. It’s about the opportunity to set the stage, to invite feedback both ways–all along the way–from the very beginning.
After strategizing to seek out the right talent, leaders aspire to hire and onboard people in the right way. They want to develop this person alongside the company’s mission–to keep them “onboard” for the long haul–probably.
But that hedge is crucial.
The “Day 1” might seem like an “I do.” A marriage of sorts.
But it is not.
There really isn’t a day when the company and the person say “until death do us part” — right?
It isn’t the sort of engagement that comes with a ring.
In the U.S., in the vast majority of states, work contracts are ‘at-will,’ meaning “that an employer can terminate an employee at any time for any reason, except an illegal one, or for no reason without incurring legal liability.” The legal constraints of employment aren’t the focus of this article, and in fact, employment laws vary state by state and country by country. But, at will or not, — it won’t take long to think of the other kinds of ways an employee may leave a job. There are a whole range of voluntary work separations and involuntary work separations.
The bottom line here is that no one is saying “until death do us part.” And we shouldn’t pretend that anyone is.
Even if the employment relationship is one of mutual benefit for the employee and the employer over the life-cycle of someone’s career — and let’s imagine everyone on all sides is doing their best for this to happen (managers now ought to be versed in job crafting and career portfolio concepts) — that person will, no matter the case, eventually, retire. So, even then, if all the stars happen to line up all along the way… there will be an end.
Starting with the right questions
So, how do we start the conversation about the end in the beginning?
Questions are a good place to open the conversation . . . These questions might be asked right away, and used as a part of a developing and open-ended conversation throughout the person’s career–or length of stay with the company.
What do you want us to know about you?
What do you hope to accomplish with our support?
What do you hope we can learn from you?
How would you like your accomplishments to be celebrated?
How do you want to leave this company, if you decide to do so one day?
When you leave, what will you want to leave behind (with us?)
When you leave, what will you hope to take with you (from us?)
When you leave, what do you want your legacy to be?
We’d like to keep these questions in mind throughout your employment journey. We expect the door to stay open so that we can continue to talk about your growth and progress. By the way, what will be our secret sign — our signal to each other — when we need to talk? When the moment arrives, when something is not working as we’d like it to, how would you like to approach me? How would you like me to approach you?
What might this look like in practice?
Arianna Huffington, CEO of Thrive Global, recently offered up some insight into how something like this might play out in her LinkedIn post about the concept of “career cushioning”–“when employees keep their options open in case of an economic downturn or an unexpected layoff.”
She jokes that “career cushioning,” means “fake dental appointments,” pad calendars as employees seek other opportunities.
Joking aside, this is what an employer — doesn’t want to see–fake teeth cleanings. That isn’t helpful to anyone (except the fake dentist.)
Rather, Huffington says, “The better solution is to create workplaces in which employees feel safe to speak up about what they’d like to change or improve about their role–like taking on new responsibilities and new challenges or moving to a different team within the organization. That enables career creation and career collaboration and lessens the need for career cushioning.”
She shares the example of Ruslan Tovbulatov.
“Rus is a brilliant leader who helped build Thrive from day one, and after four years at Thrive he came to me and shared, with compassionate directness, that he wanted to make some changes and was hungry for new challenges. He stayed at Thrive while openly looking for his next job, and I did some due diligence for him to help him decide among different offers, including the one he ultimately accepted as VP of Global Marketing at Gloat. Rus ended up introducing me to Gloat CEO Ben Reuveni, and now our two companies are doing great things together.”
Huffington’s example highlights how an open and direct relationship can work. They acknowledge together that the current work environment will not offer him the growth he personally needs. She helps him seek something — on the outside.
She is willing in his best interest to say goodbye.
Conclusion
The point is not to love people out the door starting on day one.
The point is to open the door to an honest conversation about needs and development on both sides from the beginning so that conversation may persist all along the way.
One way to celebrate someone and their legacy might be as the champagne corks fly at the retirement party. But, if instead, the confetti drops, as a manager toasts a team member on their way out the door for a reason other than retirement then the celebration becomes a witness to the fact that they have found a better opportunity. An opportunity that will help them grow in a way the company cannot accommodate, even after everyone’s best efforts.
The hope is that no matter the reason, whatever life’s strange imperatives propose, — a goodbye, isn’t a surprise.
No matter the end, if the conversation starts in the beginning, the door will remain cracked open all along the way, so that when it opens fully, the exit will happen with dignity.
Esther Blázquez Blanco “So I see you, so I make you.” Esther works with leaders, teams, and organizations to create businesses that speak human. She is a Company Culture and Leadership Consultant. She is also a speaker, executive coach, systemic facilitator, and contributed an article Feedback as a Gift to The Book of Beautiful Business. Esther helps companies find the truth behind each role and develops the relationship between the human and the company. Her vision is human, spiritual, simple, and direct. She has worked as a journalist and has a background in Innovation, Project Management, and fast-growing Startups. Her practices include the study and teaching of meditation, performance, and personal growth. Learn more about Esther here: www.estherblazquez.com; linkedin; instagram
Shannon Mullen O’Keefe is a strategist and writer, dedicated to imagining what we can build and achieve together. She is founder and chief curator for The Museum of Ideas a project that invites leaders, thinkers and everyday experts to express the ideas that will shape our better future. She is a member of The House of Beautiful Business community. She practiced the art of leadership for close to three decades, leading workplace engagement and culture change initiatives. She has served in leadership and executive roles in a global professional services firm and in a nature-based nonprofit organization. Find her leadership thinking on linkedin.
